Happy 4th of July Everyone!

I started my celebrations by melting my brains out in 98 degree heat while waiting for Stadium of Fire to start.

The fireworks and my good buddy Brad Douglas Paisley were worth it though.

What are your plans????

Ooooooooh!

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Wooooooooow!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

The white blur in the middle of the pic is Brad....I promise.

I almost forgot the most awesome part......

Don't be too jealous that you don't have one too. 

Meet Max...mild mannered cat.....

(this pic is from christmas so picture him bigger and not so blurry)

Max is my parent's cross-eyed (no lie...he's totally cross eyed) cat.  Max is a real weirdo.  He walks kinda crooked (I'm assuming that has something to do with the crossed eyes) He's a pest.  He has an interspecies crush on Maggie the dog. He makes me sneeze and causes my eyeballs swell up.   He will chase anything and has a strange obsession with bare feet.  He likes to bite bare feet...a lot.  He lays in wait for unsuspecting people to walk by so he can ambush their feet.  I pretty much hate him.  Typical cat right?  

WRONG!

Over memorial day weekend I discovered Max's secret.  He's actually an evil genius cat and all of his weirdness is just a front.  You know, kinda like Clark Kent and the glasses?  He pretends to be not so bright, but really he's plotting to take over the world.  How did I discover this you ask?  Well, allow me to explain.  Whilst in Beaver for the long holiday weekend we decided it would be fun to sleep out in the back yard.  So, like any self respecting lazy person I made my Dad set up the tent.  Before long it was decided that the nephew and niece type kiddos would be joining in on the fun so we blew up air mattresses, scavenged for blankets and pillows, refereed an epic battle over who got to sleep next to who, and finally settled in for the night.  Before going to sleep we locked the evil genius cat on the back porch and carefully zipped up the tent tightly.  Cut to 1 am.....when I feel evil little kitty paws making their way up my legs.  WTC? (what the crap? for those of you who don't speak text lingo..ahem...Mom)  How did evil genius cat get in the tent you ask?  Well I asked myself the same question.  After some investigation we discovered that not only had the cat somehow orchestrated his escape from his porch prison, but he had also managed to figure out how to UNZIP THE FREAKING TENT.  How did he do it?  I don't know and that wasn't something I wanted to ponder at 1 am.  So I threw the furry beast out of the tent, and zipped it up tight, this time pulling the zipper pulls inside the tent to prevent any more break-ins.  As I lay there basking in the glow of my cell phone screen trying to go back to sleep I hear a small rustling sound.....my eyes shoot to the zipper at the bottom of then tent where a little yellow paw is working at the zipper until it can squeeze through and grab the pull cords.  You can see where this is going right?  A few short minutes later we have a furry tent mate again. This process was repeated twice before I gave up and just let the pest stay in the tent. EVIL GENIUS I tell ya.  Right now it's doors and tent zippers, pretty soon he'll be hot wiring cars, robbing banks and building death rays in the garage.  Don't say I didn't warn you. 

Drip drop drip little April......

....snow storm? It just doesn't have the same ring to it.

My lucky streak continues....

****Disclaimer****

This blog may contain excessive amounts of sarcasm.  If you are allergic to sarcasm or lack a sense of humor please continue to read this post at your own risk.  Management assumes no responsibility for any injury or offense taken.  Contrary to popular belief, I am neither racist (see last post) nor do I bear ill will toward other faiths.  Thank you.

****End Disclaimer****

The postman has brought yet another treat to my house.  Today I received this in the mail.  You know when the envelope has a note that starts out "Dear Jesus" it's gonna be good.

I opened the letter to find a treasure beyond measure.  A PRAYER RUG (which oddly enough looks more like a big piece of paper to me, but who am I to question it?) SOAKED WITH THE POWER OF PRAYER!

Also included I received my own personal sealed prophetic word.

(Note the seal....this stuff is for real people!)

And some very specific instructions as to how this prayer rug was supposed to be used.  

Based on the testimonials that were included with the 'rug' I'm pretty sure this is totally LEGIT.  I'm gonna go use it right now and mark off pretty much all of the things on the list, so I can get this sucker back in the mail and then kick back and wait for the blessings to roll in.  Then I'm gonna go hunt down some boy scouts and throttle them because I'm pretty sure they sold my address to the weirdo solicitation of the month club.

(also for the record....I stared at the rug for a long time and there was no opening of eyes....I think I must have got a defective one.)

I hesitate to post this....

......for fear of the jealousy it may spark in many of you who read it, but I just have to share my news.  We stopped to pick up our mail today after church and there was a treasure waiting for me.  What was it you ask?  Well you see, it was a chance for me to save the Lakota Children.....and with that chance I also received a bounty of gifts.

Stickers, a calendar, notebooks and the Piece de Resistance.....A genuine DREAM CATCHER!  I am ECSTATIC!!!  Feathers, pseudo buckskin, and even little wind chimes!  I am beside myself with joy.  In case you're not familiar please feast upon this fine literature that accompanied my treasure:

But it doesn't stop there...oh no....there is more if you can believe it.  I also got a certificate and a genuine (computer generated) authentic letter from a honest to goodness Lakota child.  

How can I possibly turn down such an opportunity?  They even took the time to find a font that looked like an 11 year old wrote it......and dammit....they drink too much!  

I'm going to go admire my dream catcher now while I ponder this, but I'll leave you with some parting words...... 

Wakan Tanka Kici Un

Dear Utah,

I'm not sure if you got the message.....but it's MARCH!!!

I have a problem......

.......a big one.

I'm totally addicted.